I Won't Forget
by SerynnLux
Summary: What if, after death, you could send someone a letter? What would you say? For Will and Jem it's a chance to say one last final goodbye. Jem may be gone, but Will will never forget him. Rating for later chapters!
1. Chapter 1

**Alright so this my idea of what will would experience after Jem dies. It wasn't easy to write, because I've never done tragedy before but here it is.**

**I do not own anyone in this; they are the work of Cassandra Clare.**

**Also, many thanks to Tam Jem Carstairs, for excellent beta work. Thanks.**

We spend our whole lives surrounded by death, it is our creed. _Pulvis et umbra sumus ,_we are dust and shadows, if Will is to be believed it is all that we are. I choose to believe in something else, in a life after death, or rather, in more than just an ending. We serve and die in a fight, a fight that we are only winning with the help of heaven; because of this I am able to contemplate my own death without feeling fear.

I wouldn't say that I can think of it and be one hundred percent at peace about it, but I can say with complete honesty that death does not frighten me as much as it seems to terrify everyone else. Death is like any other journey and at the end of it we always see the friends and loved ones that we have left behind, and we leave them behind knowing that they will be saddened by our distance, but we also know that they will go on without us, because we want them too, because we expect nothing less from them. Yet we fear being forgotten, and always will and that is my deepest fear.

I have lived for seventeen years, and what have I to show for it? It is not enough to only live, but we must also love, is it not better to have lived and died for love than to have lived and not loved at all? My only hope is that you remember me, not largely or ostentatiously, but quietly, I would like to think that I have loved and been loved enough by you all that you won't forget.

You have been my family, all that I am and all that I have become I owe to you. My friends I cannot thank you enough. I know that I'm leaving you in the middle of a war, and for that I am truly sorry. However, who am I to stand in the way of fate's plan? Know that if there is an afterlife, and not just an end as Will says, I will watch and protect you all as well as I can.

Mitzpah my friends

James Carstairs

Will sat numbly in his seat as Charlotte read the letter. They had found it the day Jem had died, with all of their names on it. He hoped against hope that Jem was right, and there was a heaven if anyone deserved it, it was Jem. Jem who had been good, Jem who had been his friend, Jem who had been his brother. Will felt the tears and tangle of emotions threaten to engulf him again and, with a great effort, he drew the barrier up around his feelings, burying them deep down, just as he had buried all of his feelings since he was twelve. For the rest of the service and time afterward Will focused only on being numb, even when Gabriel Lightwood came up and gave his fake condolences Will resisted the urge to pound his face in, or boil him alive in a vat of his own entrails.

Tessa was seated in a corner, looking pale but refusing to cry. She hadn't cried in front of him yet and she refused to cry now. He appreciated that, he knew that if she did he would not be able to hold it together. Because Jem wasn't just his, he had been loved by everyone, and that helped a little bit. But not much.

Three hours later and Will was on the roof of the Institute watching the Shadowhunters walk out of the door and into their carriages, the grimy fog of London made their white clothing look like a dirty beige. He smiled grimly. He was no longer wearing his mourning clothes, but he still had his red Marks. He looked down at the one on the back of his left hand; it was a violently scarlet, almost bloody Rune it twisted in and out of his other black marks, spinning out in a hypnotic fashion that reminded him of Jem. It spoke to him in way that really went beyond conscious thought and entered the realm of poetry. Looking at it he heard the faint strains of violin music that Jem had always played, the music has been beautiful, always, but Will had never told Jem that. Had never told him that the music affected him the same way poetry and stories did, that had been a mistake, instead of praising him he had made fun of him.

Jem had never seemed to mind though; he had always brushed Will's coldness and aloofness off without a concerned demeanor he had never judged or scolded. Just guided, Jem had always said that he was Will's missing sense of self preservation, Will had secretly disagreed Jem was more of a brother figure, the older brother. Will slammed his fist against the metal spikes of the railing, and when that didn't hurt enough to distract him he opened his hand and smacked the top of the sharp edge with his open palm.

This time the pain worked. It built up in his chest, became a concentrated point, something he could focus on instead of the emotional pain. He balled his hand up into a fist and squeezed. Closing his eyes and gritting his teeth against the pain he focused on forgetting everything he was momentarily distracted from it all. This was what he had done whenever Jem had had a particularly bad attack; it gave him a momentary relief. Soon however, he had to crash back down, he always did there was no distraction from it. Jem was gone, and he had driven Tessa away.

Well that was what he had wanted, wasn't it? But, as he thought about it he realized he had never been truly all alone. There had always been someone. Cecily, Thomas, Jem, Tessa. But not anymore now he was alone. Truly. He had felt lonely before, but he had never realized that even when he was at his worst he had always had Jem. Not anymore. For the first time in his life William Herondale was completely alone._ I have lost everything._ He opened his eyes.

Looking back he realized all the times Jem had been there for him, never questioning, never judging just being Jem. Jem had said that everything he was he owed to them, but Will knew differently he knew that they owed Jem. He had come to them a broken beautiful boy, and even though he had seen and experienced things no one should have had to go through, he had never been cold or cruel spirited. He had showed them all a forgiveness and innocence that was beautiful and unattainable. He had held them up to higher standards of what they were. Seeing the best in everyone and everything. Will stared down at his hand and smashed it against the pike once more.

This time it drew blood. The blood fanned out along his hand and mingled with scarlet of the Marks on his hand. He closed his eyes and tried to physically force back the tears and tremors that were threatening. He grabbed the pike and rubbed his bloody hand across the edge, stopping only when the pain burned his veins he looked at his hand the cut was ragged and the skin around it was raw.

"That looked like it hurt." It was said like an echo of something said to her. Will hadn't heard her come up he turned around and saw Tessa. She had given up on not crying her eyes were red and her cheeks were raw. She didn't look at him, just moved to stand beside him at the railing, looking out at London. "If they call this dismal dampness summer…" her voice drifted off. They stood there silent for a long time; eventually Will realized that Tessa's shoulders were shaking. He moved to put a hand on her shoulder, to comfort her, but remembered the way he had treated her he was the last person who could ever comfort her. That was Jem, Jem was the one you wanted when you were upset. And Jem was gone. For a moment the realization and the pain of it took Will's breath away Tessa looked up at him and took his hand.

He held on, this wasn't about taking advantage of her or anything like that, this was about comfort. This was about him losing his parabati, the closest thing he had to family. Tessa seemed to understand that she took his hand and bound the cut with her handkerchief, never changing her expression. When she was done she ran her finger lightly over the back of his other hand, tracing the Runes he closed his eyes at her touch, needing to feel something.

"_Do you have any idea what it is like to be utterly alone?"_

"_More than you can ever know" _

But that wasn't entirely true, he hadn't known, because Jem had been with him when he said that, Jem who had heard him say things like that a thousand times and never questioned. Tessa pulled her hand away from his; he opened his eyes and looked at her, the cold air shocking him. She looked up at him and her grey eyes were serious and sad, but steady. She seemed to be seeing ages, how hard this must be for her, with everything that was happening around her. He opened his mouth to speak to her.

"Tessa, I – I'm sorry, I'm sorry for –"for what? For being like this, for not being Jem, for existing? She just shook her head.

"Will, stop. Not today. Today of all days you do not need to apologize." And with that, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek Will stood there, numb and not saying anything. She looked into his eyes for a moment before turning and walking towards the door. He held onto her hand for as long as he could but eventually he had to let go, like he had let go of Cecily, like he had let go of Jem like he had let go of everyone. She turned around to look at him. "Jem wouldn't want you to mourn his death Will, he would want you to remember his life." And with that she left, and Will was alone on the roof with his thoughts.

#/#/#/#

Three days later Will was seated in front of the fire, with wet hair and clothing shivering and cold, but hardly noticing. He had walked around London for hours, speaking to no one, avoiding the light and trying desperately to drown his feelings. There, on the streets of London, with the rain pouring down his face, and water pounding in his ears in ceaseless rhythm, Will had let himself cry he had opened the door to his feelings and let them out. People had always told him that it helped that once you acknowledged your feelings you felt better. They had lied. He felt worse than ever instead of the terrible numbness he usually felt, or the suppressed feelings of rage and sorrow he had felt right after Jem had died he now felt hollow, like some vital part of him was missing. He wondered, abstractly, if this was how Tessa had felt after she had turned into Camille.

The rage was gone, as was the sorrow. As he stared into the fire he realized he would almost rather feel them than this horrible sense of no feeling this terrible emptiness. He put his head in hands and pressed his palms into his eyes, trying to forget, forget the way Jem had looked in death. Even more pale than in life, all the colour gone from his cheeks, he had still been beautiful, angelic almost, but nothing like in life. None of that almost pure goodness that had been Jem had shone out of his eyes, and that was what had hurt the most. It had felt like a piece of him was lying in that coffin. At least he had looked at peace and at ease; he hadn't died with that terrible look of fear and pain on his face that so often was when he was wracked by the drug. Will wouldn't have been able to stand it if the last memory he had of Jem, the last time he had seen his face it was locked in pain and fear.

The door to the library opened and Tessa walked in. He looked up at her and saw reflected in her eyes the same terrible hollowness he felt, it wasn't right to be awake at night and not hear a violin, or be sitting alone and not go to visit Jem. She slowly lowered herself into the chair opposite him her eyes when she looked him were cautious, as was her voice when she next spoke.

"When you found that letter, my heart broke. Jem was dying, and he still was worried enough about us that he would write a letter. "She sounded upset and amazed at the same time. Will echoed her feelings Jem had been on the brink of death, when his only thoughts should have been on rest, and he had been concerned about them. "And then he asked us not to forget him. As if we could."

"Is there any particular reason you are doing this? I've read the letter, and repeating it won't make it any easier. Jem is gone. We have to accept that and move on." His voice was cold, devoid of emotions, like the rest of him. Tessa's face didn't change. Instead she just stood up and came towards him, until she was in front of him, and crouched until they were at eye level.

"Will, Jem was one of the most beautiful, selfless, strongest, best people I ever knew. And I know I only knew him for a few months, and if it hurts me this much." She stopped and drew a ragged breath "I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for you. But Will, you can't just shut down, it's been three days and you haven't eaten he wouldn't want you to pull yourself away from the world. If Jem stood for anything, it was life, and carrying on with it, even after tragedy." She got up and squeezed his shoulder as she passed.

"You're right you can't even begin to imagine what I'm feeling" he spoke quietly, but she heard him anyway. She stopped.

"No, I can't, so I also can't say anything to help, but maybe this will. Sophie found it when she was cleaning his room." She handed him a small envelope with his name on it, written in a familiar elegant hand. He heard the door shut behind her but didn't look up, just stared at the note in his hand.

He sat like that for a long while, neither opening the envelope nor throwing it away. Just considering. Finally, he made his decision, and with shaking hands and a nervous fluttering in his stomach Will opened the envelope that contained the last thing Jem would ever say to him.

"Will – " It began. " I cannot begin to tell you what it has meant to me to be your friend these past 6 years. It has been an incredible gift my friend. I'm not saying this to hurt you, but because I never said it to in life. I have never thanked you for everything you have done, whether it was while I needed your help with the drug or just because I needed you to talk to someone. Not that you haven't been trouble at times, but Will, I can look on those times with just as much fondness as the good times, perhaps more, because they are what made you Will.

You have been a brother to me, and I could not have asked for a better _parabati _. Terrible as it sounds, there is a small part of me that cannot help but be glad that I came here from Shanghai, because if I hadn't I wouldn't have met you.

William, my friend, if I know you, you are beating yourself up over not saving me, or not doing enough to help or find a cure, please don't. I have long since come to terms with the fact that I was going to die. Indeed, there seems to be little that you can do about it now.

Will, please live life for me, have a vital, open, happy life. Make up with Tessa, you two should be friends. Live your life Will, nothing could make me happier but please don't forget me. I could not bear the thought that one person I have left in this world forgot me.

Well my brother, it would seem we have come to the parting of our ways. But I shall not say goodbye, for in this instance, I believe that I am right. We shall see each other again, so until that time;

May you have the foresight to know where you are going, the hindsight to know where you have been and the insight to know when you have gone too far.

Jem

Will stared at the letter. Typical Jem, always looking after him. Tessa was right though, it had helped he no longer had that terrible dead weight hollowness in his stomach; it had been replaced by sadness, still all consuming, but not nearly as painful. He stayed like that, for a moment longer.

Will slowly got up and walked towards his room, seeing no one and nothing, thinking only of Jem and his letter, Jem had said goodbye wasn't really goodbye that they would see each other once more, Will hoped that was true, but that wouldn't make the separation any less painful. He stopped when he reached Jem's room, and going inside, he saw that the room had been stripped of all of Jem's personal belongings, except for the box on the mantle and Jem's violin.

Will took the box and sat down on the bed, slowly opening the lid he found it empty of the powder, the last of it had been used the night Jem had died. It had been their last store, and they hadn't been able to get their hands on anything more. Will shook his head against the memories. They had tracked a demon to the blackest part of London, when things went wrong and Will had been hurt, and the demon had gotten away, Jem had followed it. Will found him ten minutes later collapsed in an alleyway with no physical injury. The years of his body feeding on itself taken their toll. He had died early next morning. Jem had been right Will did blame himself, he always would. He pushed the memories deeper down inside hiding them, he had told no one about that night and he never would. If there was one thing William Herondale was good at, it was hiding the truth.

There was a fold of paper lying on the bottom of the box with his name on it, with shaking hands Will lifted the paper out of the box, and as he did something fell out of the fold. Looking closer, he realized it was the jade fist he had given Jem three weeks after they met. The note was simple and short.

"Will, I want you to have this, it wouldn't be right for anyone else to have it.

Jem"

Will picked it up and with shaking hands fastened it around his neck. Then he picked up the box and tucked it under his arm and took the violin in his hand.

The morning sun was just breaking through the fog of London, it fell far and wide upon the sleeping city as people rose and made their way about the day, or crawled back into which ever gutter they had come from. One tiny shaft of it found its way through a chink in the curtains of a church style building, it shone on a boy of about seventeen with jet black hair and blue eyes, eyes that looked like they had tears swimming behind them. He was standing in the door way or a room with no indication that anyone had lived there. It fell on the boy just as he shut the door, behind it his whisper still remained.

"I won't forget James I promise, and thank you."

**Allright, lemme know what you thought. Did I do good? Did it fall flat? Anything you have to say is marvellous, especially if it's constructive criticism.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So here is chapter two. I'm sorry it is so abysmally late, but I took the advice of vampirelover081 and expanded so this is what happened.**

**Once again, indebted so very very very much to Team Jem Carstairs, for excellent beta work and generally telling me when an idea will **_**not**_** work. **

**As always Cassandra Clare actually owns the characters, I am just mangling her work. **

**So.. yeah that's it for me, but none of you read that did you? Yeah I didn't think so. But anyway here it is.**

Will gazed out of his window, or rather what had been his window, it had been a year since he had set foot in this room or even this building. When Jem had died he hadn't been able to handle it, the worry and sympathy coming from everyone, so he had retreated inside of himself. Turning his stories of loose women and drunken brawls into fact and staying out later and later at nights until one morning he just hadn't come home at all. He had heard that Charlotte and Henry were looking for him, but he had just slipped deeper into the hell of London's underworld eventually leaving England completely. He knew they hadn't been surprised when he came home later and later smelling strongly of alcohol, they had expected it even. They thought it was how he dealt with life. They weren't wrong. He knew his leaving had saddened them, but surely they hadn't been surprised. He had made it clear that since Jem was no longer there nothing existed that could keep him at the Institute.

He leaned his forehead against the glass pane and breathed in the London air. Air that was thick with smoke and soot, and tainted with the smell of the Thames. He felt something stir in his chest at that, recognition maybe, whatever it was it wasn't emotions. Will'd had little time for those before Jem had died and even less since. He was almost certain it was recognition; London was his city after all. Even with all that he had seen, nothing moved him the same way London's skyline could. It was a city made for William Herondale, with its persistent rain and bleak grey sky it had always reflected his mood. He had missed this city.

Below he saw the gates open and the carriage come in. He turned away from the window and headed towards the door, to meet them. As he left he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and he stopped to take it in. Briefly he wondered if they would even recognize him, he had changed so much in the past year. His skin had become paler, a by-product of living nocturnally, his Marks now stood out against his skin like a scorch mark on the most expensive of silk, and his hair had darkened as well it now hung in his eyes, hiding them. He had lost weight too he realized, his clothes no longer clung to him snugly, instead hanging off him. But doing little else besides sleeping and hunting and occasionally eating would do that. But it was his expression and eyes that had changed the most. Once his smile had been mocking, sarcastic now it was just sad and rare his eyes were still a deep blue, but they were flat. They used to show that he had secrets, secrets that he had chosen to hide. Now they were empty except for an all consuming sorrow. The kind that might pull you under and drown you if you let it. He shook his head and turned away from the mirror.

He silently slipped out of the door and down the stairs finding his way towards the entrance of the Institute as flawlessly as if he had never left. As he wound his way down the familiar passage he found himself remembering all the times had had walked the same path either with Jem or to see Jem or worrying about Jem. He raised his hand to his throat to touch the jade pendant that hung around his neck, he hadn't removed it since the day he had received it except for one time, to string it around a leather cord and place a new pendant on it. A silver pendant that had one diamond and one sapphire sitting side by side with the rune for family entwined around them. It was his way of remembering not only his friend, but also himself, and the innocence he had lost at twelve.

He shook his head at the memories, banishing them the same place he kept his emotions. He got to the entrance just as Charlotte and Henry came through the door, Will smiled at the normalcy of it all. Henry took Charlotte's coat for her and kissed her cheek, she smiled at him and Sophie darted forward to take both their coats as Will realized what he had missed when he left. Looking at Charlotte and Henry, he admitted with some resignation, that Jem's death had at least brought them closer together. When one door closes ...

He was hidden in the shadows, with his hair melding in the darkness. He saw Charlotte's eyes flick in his direction and he moved back, pressing himself against the wall, intending to slip away at the first moment but he wasn't fast enough. One of Charlotte's throwing stars flicked past his ear and imbedded itself in the wall. She had missed on purpose.

"Come out of the shadows, and don't try anything." Her voice was firm, and Will could see that she had another star in her hand, and that Henry's hand lingered around his waist where his broadsword was strapped. A year ago Will would have had a retort for that, now however, he just walked out with his hands held very carefully away from his body. He heard Charlotte's gasp as his features were thrown into light, and then she ran to him and threw her arms around him.

"When did you get here?" she demanded, her voice shaking.

"About an hour after you left this morning, I came in and stayed in my room no one even knew I was here." She pulled back and looked at him, her eyes critical.

"You're thinner, and paler. And why didn't you tell us you were coming?" She punctuated that sentence with light punches to his arms.

"I didn't know. It was only last week I started travelling in earnest. Before that I was somewhere in Germany I think." He trailed off. He hadn't paid attention to where he was or what he was doing except for when he was fighting. Then he had been aware of everything.

"You don't know where you were?" Charlotte's voice was accusing. Will briefly closed his eyes and swore at himself for the slip up.

"All those places sound the same to me, so no; I'm not exactly sure where I was." Charlotte nodded, but didn't look like she believed him, but before she could say anything Henry placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Let the boy rest Charlotte." She nodded and stepped away from him, indicating that he should lead the way. He looked around a new thought striking him.

"Where's Tessa?" Henry and Charlotte exchanged glances, the kind of glance that meant there was bad news coming. He felt a cold dead thing slip into his stomach; he hadn't had any contact with the Institute in a year. It was very likely that she could have died, or run off or returned to America.

"She's out, but she should be back soon."

"Well, I'm not waiting for her." Will turned around and walked towards the library. Charlotte and Henry followed, staying just behind him. He moved silently down the hall, not turning his head or acknowledging anything, but it wasn't like he just didn't notice, more like he was studiously avoiding looking at anything Charlotte noticed. When he reached a place where the hallway branched off he stopped and stared. The patch of darkness he was staring at was a staircase. A staircase that led to Jem's room. Will looked up at the darkness with an extremely pained look on his face, his hands clenching and unclenching, his jaw working.

"Will, it's that way." Henry pointed down the hall. Will's head went down, and when he looked up at them his face was drawn and closed, but his eyes told a different story, they were dark and sad, but when Charlotte looked closer she realized that they were also deep, and full of secrets. He saw her looking and his face changed, his mouth coming down into a hard line, his eyes clouding and his eyebrows drawing into scowl.

"I am aware of that Henry." He spun on his heel and marched down the hall without another word. Charlotte breathed out and looked at Henry. He had a speculative look on his face.

"He's still there, he's buried deep but he's there." She leaned against Henry, finding comfort in his strong frame. He put his arm absentmindedly around her waist.

"It's not that he's buried that worries me though, dear, but what it's buried under." Charlotte turned to look at Henry his words striking a chord in her. With Will it was a very real and terrifying thought. She leaned closer into him, fighting back the worry that was slowly creeping in.

Will sat down in a chair facing the window, his eyes welling up. He had come very close to losing it in the hallway, and right now he was fighting the urge to smash something very breakable against something very solid, to replicate the shattered mess inside of himself with a shattered mess in front of him. He leaned forward and pressed the palms of his eyes. Tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes. He heard footsteps and hastily wiped them away. He looked up and saw Sophie standing in the doorway. She came in with a tea tray and a plate of scones and left without saying a word, but giving him a look of deepest loathing before closing the door. He didn't react, some things never change and Sophie's opinion of him was destined to be one of those things. More footsteps distracted him Charlotte stood in the door, her face concerned.

He turned away and looked out over London, the sun was just setting, and it cast an orange glow over everything. Like the city was on fire, Will thought to himself, his lips wryly pulling themselves up into something vaguely resembling a smile, but more like a sneer. It was the biggest expression of life that had been on his face in a very long time.

Charlotte sat down in front of him, startling him. Instinct had him reaching for the misericord that was hidden in his boot before recognition set in and he relaxed. She watched him out of the corner of her eyes.

"You've gotten quicker with your reflexes." She said, trying to start a conversation Will merely grunted and stared out the window, looking equal parts the bad angel and Adonis. Charlotte looked at him and realized the difference in Will's appearance went far beyond the physical changes. The entire way he held himself had changed. Will had always been closed off, held himself away. But now he almost held himself contained she realized, like he was pulling deeper inside himself, whereas before he had just been tensed to spring.

"Where were you Will?" he jumped and turned around almost like he had forgotten she was there. He closed his eyes for a moment.

"Out." Was all he said.

"Will, I need to specifics." He voice was firm and he opened his eyes and looked at her. A lazy, slow look the kind that comes before a deception.

"I really don't see what for, Charlotte. Unless you are planning a vacation that is, in that case I would be more than willing to help you." He stood up and walked around the room taking it all in. It was killing him to be light and flippant like this. He could practically hear Jem saying "Now Will." He closed his eyes and drew a shaky breath. He turned back to Charlotte. She frowned at him, and opened her mouth to speak. Before she could however, the door to the Institute opened and a girl's laughter rang out.

Tessa's laughter, it made his heart contract painfully. He took a deep breath and walked over to the scotch on the mantle as footsteps hurried up the staircase. But they were off, like she was running or tripping, he couldn't place it. As they drew closer he poured himself a glass and closed his eyes, leaning against the mantle and doing his best to look unaffected. At the exact moment the door opened Will's eyes did the same, and one thought ran through his head. _Showtime._

'Charlotte, sorry we're late, but traffic… " Tessa stopped when she saw Will. He turned his head and looked at her. She was beautiful, grey eyes, brown hair, slim. Everything about her was exactly as Will remembered it, even her voice. For a moment, he was happy. Then he saw who was behind her.

**Alright, you know the drill. That blue button right there is what you press to let me know what you thought, what I screwed up and what you think should happen. (I will be taking that into consideration) and just generally your thoughts on today's political and socio economic issues... I mean what!**

**But seriously, click lemme know and I'll see what I can do. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! So, here is the next chapter, to those who thought it was Gabriel, well you're half right. I did have a lot of fun writing this though, so I hope you enjoy! Team Jem Carstairs, once again for being beta extraordinaire, kudos, you can get a hug from Will.**

**Oh, and Valkyrie-ShapeShifter666 I could never torture Will, NEVER NEVER NEVER!**

_***Bangs from the cupboard under the stairs***_

**One minute- **_***Smashes door with foot* **_**You'll get out when it's your turn! Shut up and being my muse!**

**...I mean what!**

**Anyway.. Cassandra Clare created everyone her, I just sort of ... stole them? But no worries I do have a lawyer working to make this aallll legal.**

**Enjoy!**

Tessa stared at Will, shocked. He had changed so much since she had last seen him, his face, his hair, even the way he stood. He had once exuded this supreme... confidence and sureness that was now gone, replaced by hunched shoulders and frown lines in the corners of his mouth. He was looking fixedly over her shoulder, an expression on his face that was somewhere between horror and shock. If she hadn't been in surprise herself, she would have laughed.

She looked over her shoulder at the man standing behind her. His expression was fearsome, he was looking at Will as though he was something disgusting that had stuck it's self to his shoe or, she smiled, like he was a dead bit of demon stuck on his favourite suit. It was nothing short of absolute disgust, with the slightest bit of loathing marring his beautiful features.

"Tessa, Will's back" Charlotte's voice was tense, mirroring the atmosphere in the room. She cast around for something to say, but finding nothing, looked flustered. "Yes, well I ..." realizing that no one was paying the slightest bit of attention to her, she slipped out the door. Tessa smiled briefly at her but most of her attention was focused on Will. She took a step forward and he looked at her, with a pained smile.

"Tess" was all he said before she launched herself into his arms. He hugged her tightly, wrapping his arms around her waist, almost lifting her off the floor. He might have lost weight but he was still strong. She buried her face in his shoulder, breathing in the scent of him, soap and soot, tinged with the smallest amount of sweat. She pulled away, but not enough that his arms were no longer around her. She traced the contours of his face with her eyes, taking in everything, his eyebrows, and his nose, his lips. They were the only thing about him besides his voice that she remembered with absolute clarity, they were still over balanced, the bottom much fuller than the top, but the top lip having just enough of a dip in it that it was incredibly sensual; he looked at her with a kind of hunger, searching her eyes and her face. She saw something shimmer at the base of his throat, but before she could say anything there was a loud clearing of someone's throat and they both turned around, Will dropping his arms.

The man Tessa had come in with was glaring at them, and Tessa looked between the two of them with a small smile playing around her lips at the contrast between these two beautiful men. One had thick, wavy blonde hair, tan skin and deep chocolate brown eyes the other had jet black hair, pale skin and cold icy blue eyes. Helios and Hades.

"Hello Gideon, charming to see you again." Will smiled very big at Gideon Lightwood and downed the entire glass of scotch in one gulp. It burned his throat on the way down and he had an urge to cough, but he suppressed it and kept his face absolutely immobile. Gideon's expression formed a snarl that looked absolutely menacing, Will's grin widened. "How is your sister? It's been so long since I've seen her, maybe I should pop by some time?"

"Stay away from my family Herondale, or I will make what happened to Tessa at the Dark Sister's hands look like a walk in the park. Do you understand me?" He took a step forward, his hand twitching to a blade he no doubt carried on his body. By this point most normal people would have been shaking in their boots and praying for their mothers, Will reflected. It was funny how he didn't feel fear, or triumph at antagonizing Gideon, he just felt tired. But he had to keep up the charade. He deliberately placed the tumbler in his hand down on the table and removed his jacket, being careful to break eye contact with Gideon, then he straightened up and looked him straight in the eye, spreading his arms wide.

"I understand you perfectly Gideon, in fact I don't think there is any need for me to be near your sister ever again." Will had the immense pleasure of seeing the look of confusion and then impassiveness spread across Gideon's face, or at least he acted like he did. Gideon nodded at Will,

"Thank you for tha – "

"She really isn't worth all the trouble it would cause to go after her, I can think of a few more... memorable and attractive acquaintances that I have in London's lower east side that I would prefer to spend my time and money on." Will smiled at Gideon's face, which was slowly turning purple and grabbing his jacket and swung it over his shoulder, looking as unaffected as ever.

"_Will_!" Tessa sounded shocked and slightly amused, but she was shaking her head at him in exasperation. He gave her his best grin and winked. She smiled the slightest bit at that but Gideon did not.

"That's it." He launched himself at Will, but Will was, of course Will and he moved easily out of the way, and ended up leaning against the doorway looking at his nails.

"Dear me, Gideon is that really the best you've got? Not a very good showing in front of Tessa now is it?"

"When I get my hands on you Herondale" Gideon launched himself at Will once more, but Will easily moved out of the way once again.

"One would almost think you weren't even trying. I can't see why you would want to impress her though. I mean, obviously she's very attractive, but I thought you were more like your father in you taste in women, then again she is part demon I suppose..." his words had been low, so low that only someone wearing a heightened hearing rune could have discerned them. Will laughed as Gideon growled something intelligible and launched himself at Will's throat.

"Don't you _ever_ speak about her like that again, do you hear me? Or I will do such terrible things to you it will make you glad that James died before you. Because at least then he can welcome you into hell –"Gideon stopped short of what he was saying, seeing Will's face. Will was breathing heavily and his hand twitched constantly to his boot, where the misericord was hidden. He advanced towards Gideon with a look on his face that would have made hell itself close its gates. It was a look that few ever saw and fewer still came out of unscathed, Jem had always been the only one who had ever stood up to it.

"Do not ever presume to speak to me like that again Gideon. Or what will happen I wouldn't like to say. Do we have an understanding?" Will's voice was quiet, silken but deadly and he was coiled like a snake prepared to strike. Tessa a darted in front of him, placing her hand on his chest. He stopped and stared down at her. But she was looking at Gideon.

"Apologize, Gideon." She looked at him and he just stared back, his jaw slightly slack.

"Tessa! Did you hear what he said?" she nodded.

"Yes, Gideon I heard, but that was no reason to bring Jem into this. Apologize." He looked her, seeing for the first time that her face was tight with the pain hearing Jem's name thrown so casually about had caused. He sighed.

"I'm sorry I dragged Jem into this Tessa and I apologize for such a scene." He looked at her and smiled briefly. She smiled back and brushed his cheek with her hand.

"It'll have to do." He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly to him. Will cleared his throat. They looked at him, Tessa blushing slightly Gideon looking merely annoyed.

"Pardon my interruption, but while you are both in the middle of dreamily staring into each other's eyes, perhaps you could tell me exactly your relationship, so I don't feel left out of a scandal. Besides, I'm the only one who is allowed to behave indecently towards the female members of this household Gideon. I do have reputation to protect you see."Gideon snorted and pulled Tessa closer, resting his chin on her head. Tessa's slim frame was almost lost entirely in Gideon's stronger muscular one, but she still squirmed and pulled away laughing. He grinned and pulled her back, wrapping an arm around her waist. She danced out of the way again and looked at Will. His face had become strangely fixed while he was watching this and his entire body was rigid. On the outside he looked as if her were made of stone, the inside however, was quickly dissolving into chaos. Tessa wouldn't have allowed herself to be held like that by just anyone, and especially not by a Lightwood, least of all with that look on her face without a very good reason.

Tessa came forward and took Will's hand. He stared at her immobile, his lips going white. He had lost Jem and now, through his own fault Tessa. There was a roaring in his ears and his stomach was simultaneously churning and turning to lead. From somewhere far behind he heard Tessa ask Gideon to leave and Gideon protesting.

"I'm not leaving you alone with him, Tess. Who knows what he could do? He looks half mad." Will's head snapped up and he glared at Gideon. He had called her Tess; no one called her that but Will. _No one._ And then he had suggested that Will would hurt her. Tessa gripped his hand.

"I trust him, Gideon. Will won't do anything stupid. Besides if anything does happen, you will be right outside those doors and can be here in a heartbeat." Gideon nodded and didn't look happy about it, but left anyway. Tessa turned to Will.

"This wasn't exactly the way I had planned for you to figure out, but Will I need to tell you. And I want you to be happy for me. Will, Gideon and I are getting married." She looked at him with such worry and concern in her eyes that Will's heart almost broke, so he forced a smile and a happy tone.

"Of course I'm happy for you Tessa, how could I not be? When is the big day?" Tessa smiled and for a moment, as the sun set and illuminated her out line, she looked almost angelic. Will swallowed and felt his lips tighten, but he schooled his expression into a calm mask.

"We're getting married in a month. Just a quiet ceremony here at the Institute, we just need to get express permission from the Council that Gideon can still be a shadowhunter, even if he marries me." She looked down at her hands and Will felt something then, something he hadn't felt in a long time. Compassion. He raised his hand and placed a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him. Her eyes were full of tears and her lower lip wobbled.

"Look at me" he said as she slid her eyes away. "No, Tessa look at me." She did. He steeled himself for what he was about to do and felt his ribcage become heavy under the weight of the words he was about to say. "Tessa, you will find a way to make this work, I know you will. And if you ever need anything, I mean it, anything at all. I am here to help, alright?" She nodded and looked at him. Then she smiled and wrapped him in a tight hug.

"Thank you so much Will." He froze for a moment and hugged her back, closing his eyes and locking in the feel of her in his arms forever. He sighed as she stepped away. "So, you're not upset?" He shook his head and prepared for the biggest lie of his life.

"No, I'm just glad that you are happy, Tessa. You deserve it." She smiled again.

"Well that's a relief; I thought you were going to be upset with me." Will quirked the corner of his mouth into a sort of half smile and lied through his teeth.

"Tessa, I couldn't be happier for you. Now come on, Gideon is getting anxious and I believe that was the dinner bell." On the way down the stairs, Will watched the two of them and thought about what he had said. Was he angry? No, not at all. And he hadn't lied, not exactly. He_ was_ happy for her but he was also upset. Upset that it wasn't him who was making her happy, upset that it wasn't his place to do anything about it. And most of all, and most selfishly, he reflected, he was upset because she would go on and live her life and be happy without him, while he just stood back and watched. At the moment Gideon had his arm around her shoulders, and was murmuring something in her ear. Will felt a stab of jealousy run through him like a lightning bolt; it burned his insides and turned his vision red. Pausing at the door to the dining hall he collected his emotions and buried them deep down in that place that he never went. The same place he felt should have made and appearance in _Inferno_. He smiled at the memory of his first conversation with Tessa. Hell was certainly hot, that much he was sure of; otherwise he wouldn't always be burning with suppressed emotions. Shaking himself free of such thoughts he entered the dining room.

"Oh look, Will's back. Tessa, you can run into his arms now." Jessamine's voice was sneering and nasally. It grated on his ears and aggravated his nerves; it was, he admitted to himself, the only thing he hadn't missed. Tessa looked over at him and rolled her eyes at Jessie. Will grinned at her and winked once more, belying his inner feelings. Spreading a devil-may-care look on his face, and tipping his hat to a rakish angle he sauntered over to Jessamine. He stood in front of (or rather, beside her) forcing her to look up at him. She ignored him for a moment, but William Herondale had long ago earned the title of 'societies' most annoying person' and hadn't earned it for nothing. He stood there with his hands behind his back, rocking on his heels and whistling until she looked up at him. She obviously thought that he should have been reduced to a mound of melted Will on the floor, from the look she gave him. His grin spread. Quickly, he leaned down and pecked her cheek. Letting his eyes laugh as her face went from it's usually milky pale to a rather unattractive purple. He moved silently to his own seat and looked at her, with one hand under his chin.

"So, lovely to see you again Jezebel." She jumped and let out an outraged squeak as his feigned an innocent expression that not even a mother could love. On the outside Will appeared to be the epitome of sarcasm and unbalanced possessed energy. On the inside however, he was `was quickly becoming a disaster of broken edges and glass shards, and with every laugh of Tessa's, every smile at Gideon, every flash of her eyes in his direction, the shards cut a little bit deeper.

**Alright, so what did you think? Did I get Will right? Lemme know, oohh and ideas for what's next? Actually just shoot really random topics out and I'll see if I can work them in somehow. ;)**


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